items tagged with relationship

According to well known opinion marriage counseling is one of the best way to solve difficult problems in a family or with boy/girlfriend. Why? First of all it gives people some special tools of how to deal with problems correctly, how to build good strong relationships etc.

One thing which is very important is that one should use services of a really clever and smart professional. A marriage counselor cannot be mum, dad, a sister or a friend. A marriage counselor is a person who has all necessary documents as a certification in marriage and family counseling. These specialists work with couples only and do know their subject very well.

Most cases are not too hard and people need to meet with a professional for several times to solve all necessary problems. Also there are people who have more serious situation, so they need to visit a marriage counselor during some months or even more.

Marriage counseling can help everyone.

There is no a couple which has not any difficulties. Even people who are very happy in marriage have some difficulties which are necessary to be solved. The only reason is that such people know and do solve their problems by different ways. Of cause every one of us has own principles, ideas, wishes, believes and rules. And happy in marriage people know to live and communicate with their partners. It is very important to learn how to overcome all problems. Sometimes it is necessary to insist, sometimes — not to pay attention, sometimes — to appreciate partner’s own opinions.

The situation when habits and things which were so nice at the beginning and now cause a lot of difficulties is not as rare as one can think. Relationships can suffer in such cases when one partner cheat on another or may be a couple decides to live separate for some time what is not of cause the solution. There plenty of reasons..

It is really difficult to manage with a problem all the time in everyday life. Some people start to ignore this problem, not to think about it and concentrate on something else. It is not right. Actually, this problem will not disappear and moreover it will get worth during some time.

What problems can one turn with to a marriage counselor?

·         one of partners has had an affair

·         divorce

·         abuse of any kind

·         money issues

·         problems with a job

·         difficulties in communication

·         sex life

·         children

·         gay/lesbian issues

One of the most difficult issues possible in a family life is domestic violence. Here it is necessary to use a marriage counselor help. And it is not about saving marriage and relationships but not to let hurt oneself and own children. First of all here there are some psychological problems because many people who have faced with violence are afraid to turn to police or to tell anybody. And marriage counselor will be the first step here in solving this problem.

There are such couples which decide to visit marriage counselor before facing to some difficulties. We think that it is correct because such approach leads to happy and strong family. Marriage counseling can teach people how to prevent possible difficulties.

How do marriage counseling work?

Imagine a room where a marriage counselor is seating with two people who have some difficulties in their private life. They talk and try to express everything what they feel and what they do not like. The marriage counselor tries to explain what can be a reason of such difficulties and what can improve the whole situation.

During these visits to a marriage counselor people learn how to deal with problems which are already existing and which can be in the future. A marriage counselor need to teach them how to communicate and disagree in a correct way. Though there are some situations which are too difficult to solve by a marriage counselor only. We mean alcohol abuse or drug abuse etc. Here a couple needs to turn not only to a marriage counselor but to another specialists appropriate for such cases.

We admit that it is not very easy to tell somebody about own problems and difficulties because firstly, one admit their existence and possible fault of them, secondary, during the talk one express own emotions and open own mind and heart to a stranger and thirdly, during this talk a beloved of this person will seat and listen the whole situation from your point of view. One can feel angry and even refuse talking but it is necessary to overcome it. And that is the reason of marriage counselor's presence here that can help to relax and express everything calmly.

A marriage counselor is the person who can change one couple's life very serious and in a short period of time. Sometimes such changes are positive, sometimes not but anyway it is a correct step to the future.

Sometimes one of a couple do not want to go to a marriage counselor by many reasons. In a such situation one should think about going oneself. Why? Even visiting a specialist along one can start consider own marriage from another point of view and therefore improve it. Maybe the reason of some marriage problems can be solved by one of two people?

Anyway the decision of visiting a marriage counselor is not so easy to be done but people should think about it because it is really a good way to solve any difficulties in a marriage and family life.

How do you think — can a marriage counselor help? Some people think that it is really easy to work on marriage issues but there are such situations where it is necessary to turn to a professional. A really good counselor can provide you special tools and ways who to improve your communication and relations in family in general, how to solve existing problems and avoid possible difficulties. Moreover turning to a counselor can be considered as try to build a happy marriage. This professional usually faces to such problems as money issues, difficulties with sex life and many others which usual couples often face to in their common everyday life.

What are the most popular reasons why people decide to use help of counselor?

1.      People want to learn how to deal in a better way with strong emotions that are connected with marriage problems.

2.      Some people come to find a way to a happy marriage.

3.      Many people would like to know how to solve problems and negative issues in a marriage.

There are couples which can cope with their problems themselves, control their emotions, work out solutions and tools for these problems without help of any professional. All couples really should try to develop their own techniques before turning for a help of marriage counselor. There are such situations where it is necessary to turn to a specialist because couples cannot deal with their difficulties themselves and any problem is not going to disappear itself.

What should one pay attention to looking for a marriage counselor?

One can easily look for a marriage counselor in a phone book or ask for advice from a doctor, friends or anybody else. The last way is the best one because one will see the consequences of the work of exact marriage counselor. If the relationships of one's friend or relative couple improved it would be right to turn for help exactly to this doctor.

On another side one should be very attentive and choose a counselor wisely. One of the points which should be paid attention to is that this person (counselor we mean) must be comfortable to talk and communicate with as for a woman as for a man otherwise he/she will not help. So both of the couple should decide who they will turn to.

We want to point that it is very important to check up if this or that marriage counselor has all documents as license or certifications which allow him/her to realize the activities in marriage and family counseling.

Every marriage counselor need to have a current license in his/her field of activities such as marriage and family therapy. In every state or country there are special own rules determined licensing of all doctors and counselors. In general every marriage counselor need to have so called Master of Doctorate degree, documents which can prove that this person has passed training courses in family and marriage therapy and certain time experience. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is a special department which license by its own requirements all marriage counselors.

Every such specialist can set up own clinic or office, can work in a governmental organization, can be in a health clinic, hospital etc. How to find a good specialist? Well, the first way is to ask one's doctor for good appropriate candidates, the second is to ask own relatives and friends if they have somebody who can help. There are many other variants such as insurance company, local government organizations and one can just look for a marriage counselor in a phone book.

How to choose and to check up if a marriage counselor is exactly good? One should ask some questions such as:

1.      What official documents as licenses do you have?

2.      Do you affiliate with any special professional organizations?

3.      What professional degrees do you have?

4.      How long have you been working as marriage counselor?

5.      How many couples with our specific problems had you during your carrier?

6.      What are your fees?

7.      How often will we meet and how long will the therapy last?

8.      Can we start from this moment or in the nearest future or we will have to wait some time?

How much does marriage counseling cost?

There are many marriage counselors which are paid in a different way. One can pay nearly $50-$200 for session but ne should know that the average price per one hour in about $100. Every couple in average will visit a marriage counselor once a week and about three months so the whole course is going to cost nearly $1200. We will repeat that this is the average cost — some people will spend mole, some — less. There are couple which are necessary to visit a marriage counselor during for a year or even more. So the total cost in such cases will raise but it will be small price for those who want to save marriage and avoid a divorce.

When one compares the importance of marriage saving and a cost of a marriage counselor services one will pay any money to have or to save a happy marriage and family. Now everyone clearly understands that family and dear people are more important in our life than any money and goods. In fact, after visiting a marriage counselor and after family situation changing people start to work together, and their financial life improves.

Some people are necessary to visit a specialist for a short period of time, some — during a long — months, years. The only reason is to improve the situation, and couples are the only part who can determine the right time to stop these visiting.

There are many men who try to stop visiting a marriage counselor as soon as it is possible because they do not like to tell somebody about their problems, to complain, especially if it concern their private life. Sometimes men really do visit the specialist with wives but they do not want to follow the advice of the counselor. And there are such cases when marriage situations improve during the course but after its end the same problems are going to appear again.

If one of such situations mentioned above are common for you, you should not stop the therapy sessions with a marriage counselor until the time of significant progress in your private life. We strongly recommend not to stop the sessions at all, it can be possible to see a marriage counselor rarely. The only thing is to believe that everything will be okay and a marriage counselor is able to help.

Relationships. How one can understand it? What one implicates using this word? What was your first thought when you saw this word? Relations between man and woman have the first place here of cause. And there is nothing special of it: society considers such kind of human communication as the most common, frequent, dramatic and worth attention and discussion. It is standard widespread statement and position common for every kind of society.  But why it is so difficult to create really healthy relationship?

One can find lots of information about it everywhere – TV, radio, newspapers and specially magazines, Internet.. Parents pay a lot of attention to such relations of their children thereby they (parents) cause extra reaction of young generation creating a special attitude to this sphere of life, natural of cause. Just think about it: relations with opposite sex are not the same as communications with friends of the same sex; there is constant question – can people of different sexes be friends or not? This situation in society forms the idea of relations between opposite sexes as something special, forbidden for young people and even sometimes bad.

It does not mean that there are no any other kinds of human relations but we can assume that love relationships are the most problematic and difficult for development and creation due to this already formed situation.  That is the reason of such big popularity of discussions of this sphere in society we believe. And maybe that is why there are so many problems in couple communication – psychological attitude of necessary defined behavior.

Human relations develop in different ways and there are many various reasons of it: personal factor, environment and its sensation by man and woman, love traditions and rules in a certain society and many other.

Any problems?

One should understand that all relationship issues are very different and it cannot be same solutions in two similar situations because there are no similar situations, all people are different with different lives, it can be different reasons for certain behavior and so on. And the only proper advice here is to talk with a partner, to try to find the reasons of worsening relations and relationship problems. May be ones partner has difficulties at work, he/she is tied of own life and wants to change something, may be he/she does not feel love and care of the partner, maybe he/she feel offense and pain and cannot tell one about it.. There can be plenty of such “maybe” and the best way is to find out them and try to solve.

Clarification of the relationship is not just disassembly. Intention to enhance intimacy - that's what pushes you to a conversation. The desire to confess to each other. Do you have such an intention? If yes, everything will succeed. If not - you are not ready to stop blaming.

So here is a golden rule: tell the truth - the whole, as it is. The truth about what has happened - and how you feel about that. Only true - however brutal it may be - it's true. It is the most important and supreme sign of confidence. Reality.

In mutual confession there is a concrete result - the understanding, acceptance and burst of sympathy.  On the contrary, a sense of understatement shows that the conversation is not finished. And it must continue. How long? Maybe - half an hour, maybe - a few days. Omission is a broken step. You'll stumble on it more often - until finally smash own forehead. And then you will say that feelings are gone and it was a mistake to have any abusive relationships with this person.

However people who are not happy in their life and who have some problems with their partners try to tell somebody everything what they think about to feel relief. This is a normal from the psychological point of view kind of behavior. And as it usual happens such people easily find “kind” people who want to give relationship problem advice.  But the real difficulty is that “advisers” usually have no idea what they are talking about. They act in a frivolous way because do not understand that they can spoil somebody’s life.

Relationship advice.

As I have already said there is plenty of information about male/female relationships. And one can find it everywhere. I am absolutely sure that every woman magazine has articles of notes or just mentions on this issue in each number.  People tell their own love stories, complain, ask for advice and of cause give so called free relationship advices. And it would be good if it would be fine advice which will help this or that person to solve his/her own problems but unfortunately such cases are rather rare. People whom one can meet on, as example, internet forums are not professional psychologists and they cannot help by really good effective advice. On the contrary such free relationship advice can spoil everything and make person do something wrong. That is why it would be better decision to ask a professional for help, which will not tell lots of similar real stories with bad/good ends, blame opposite sex in all difficulties etc. – he/she will listen (very attentively), will make a situation clear and may be will give some possible way for action, but (it is very important!) psychologist will not solve the problem instead of the person.

Love check up.

All the developers of such “useful” forums clearly understand that it would be more effectively (profitably!) to announce that “real professional psychologists” answer users’ letters. And common people feeling pain and instability in life want to believe such rude lie. There are lots of special relationship tests which are intended to find out “real, true problems” and therefore the necessary treatment. Crap! It is possible only for professional but we have already talked about it. As example we would like to speak about tests of relationship compatibility. According to the idea of this kind of service it is possible to find out if an exact person is “suitable” for such relations. One will consider it as a joke but it is really true and there are thousands of such web sites. And what is the most unbelievable is that people believe in it and build their own lives according to these ungrounded tests. Just think how one usual test can determine success or failure of possible relations! By names? By sign and dates of birth? It sounds stupid… The problem is that all these tests cannot take into account psychology of each person, his/her wishes and dreams, social base, if there is something common between two people or not, how they consider these relations and if they think about the future life with the partner.. All mentioned above is called real life which machines cannot understand. So think about it. 

Is it end?

For some people this question is much unexpected. They think that everything is okay and they are happy with their partners. But one day they hear this phrase and.. Everyone feel different. And we would not discuss the possible reasons of this phrase here. Such final step means that one of two was not happy and it is more important to understand how it is necessary to react. That is way in Internet one can easily find plenty of advices how to end a relationship. In truth we should agree that some of them are not bad because people who had such an experience want to prevent possible mistakes of others. So not all the information from the Internet is so bad. We admit that it is important to act correctly ending relationships.  It is the same significant step as the beginning of new relations.  Good strong relations need to be built in a hard way and a break needs the same. Even preparing for relation break it is necessary to remember that the partner is not a stranger – that is why one should do everything painless. Relationship break up advice can help to reach this aim.

There are different relations and every person can face with as good relations as on the contrary can achieve some negative experience but all “bad love stories” teach us and due to them we can turn an abusive relationship into something good and really strong. 

There are many reasons of breaks and quarrels between men and women.  Some of them are more common, some of cause less. Psychologists even make a special scale of them, and some people think that one of the widest spread reasons for relation deterioration is female led relationships. It is rather difficult to say exactly if it is so or not. Such kind of relations is a communication where
both partners decide that a woman will be head of household and the man her helpmate. Some people think that it is unacceptably and only men can be leaders in families. That is the reason, according to such people, to look for ways to end relationships. It is only one point of view among many others.

In conclusion we would like to say that one should save and take care of real strong love. We wish to overcome all possible difficulties and in case of any problem we advice to take professional relationship counseling.