items tagged with dating

Relationships. How one can understand it? What one implicates using this word? What was your first thought when you saw this word? Relations between man and woman have the first place here of cause. And there is nothing special of it: society considers such kind of human communication as the most common, frequent, dramatic and worth attention and discussion. It is standard widespread statement and position common for every kind of society.  But why it is so difficult to create really healthy relationship?

One can find lots of information about it everywhere – TV, radio, newspapers and specially magazines, Internet.. Parents pay a lot of attention to such relations of their children thereby they (parents) cause extra reaction of young generation creating a special attitude to this sphere of life, natural of cause. Just think about it: relations with opposite sex are not the same as communications with friends of the same sex; there is constant question – can people of different sexes be friends or not? This situation in society forms the idea of relations between opposite sexes as something special, forbidden for young people and even sometimes bad.

It does not mean that there are no any other kinds of human relations but we can assume that love relationships are the most problematic and difficult for development and creation due to this already formed situation.  That is the reason of such big popularity of discussions of this sphere in society we believe. And maybe that is why there are so many problems in couple communication – psychological attitude of necessary defined behavior.

Human relations develop in different ways and there are many various reasons of it: personal factor, environment and its sensation by man and woman, love traditions and rules in a certain society and many other.

Any problems?

One should understand that all relationship issues are very different and it cannot be same solutions in two similar situations because there are no similar situations, all people are different with different lives, it can be different reasons for certain behavior and so on. And the only proper advice here is to talk with a partner, to try to find the reasons of worsening relations and relationship problems. May be ones partner has difficulties at work, he/she is tied of own life and wants to change something, may be he/she does not feel love and care of the partner, maybe he/she feel offense and pain and cannot tell one about it.. There can be plenty of such “maybe” and the best way is to find out them and try to solve.

Clarification of the relationship is not just disassembly. Intention to enhance intimacy - that's what pushes you to a conversation. The desire to confess to each other. Do you have such an intention? If yes, everything will succeed. If not - you are not ready to stop blaming.

So here is a golden rule: tell the truth - the whole, as it is. The truth about what has happened - and how you feel about that. Only true - however brutal it may be - it's true. It is the most important and supreme sign of confidence. Reality.

In mutual confession there is a concrete result - the understanding, acceptance and burst of sympathy.  On the contrary, a sense of understatement shows that the conversation is not finished. And it must continue. How long? Maybe - half an hour, maybe - a few days. Omission is a broken step. You'll stumble on it more often - until finally smash own forehead. And then you will say that feelings are gone and it was a mistake to have any abusive relationships with this person.

However people who are not happy in their life and who have some problems with their partners try to tell somebody everything what they think about to feel relief. This is a normal from the psychological point of view kind of behavior. And as it usual happens such people easily find “kind” people who want to give relationship problem advice.  But the real difficulty is that “advisers” usually have no idea what they are talking about. They act in a frivolous way because do not understand that they can spoil somebody’s life.

Relationship advice.

As I have already said there is plenty of information about male/female relationships. And one can find it everywhere. I am absolutely sure that every woman magazine has articles of notes or just mentions on this issue in each number.  People tell their own love stories, complain, ask for advice and of cause give so called free relationship advices. And it would be good if it would be fine advice which will help this or that person to solve his/her own problems but unfortunately such cases are rather rare. People whom one can meet on, as example, internet forums are not professional psychologists and they cannot help by really good effective advice. On the contrary such free relationship advice can spoil everything and make person do something wrong. That is why it would be better decision to ask a professional for help, which will not tell lots of similar real stories with bad/good ends, blame opposite sex in all difficulties etc. – he/she will listen (very attentively), will make a situation clear and may be will give some possible way for action, but (it is very important!) psychologist will not solve the problem instead of the person.

Love check up.

All the developers of such “useful” forums clearly understand that it would be more effectively (profitably!) to announce that “real professional psychologists” answer users’ letters. And common people feeling pain and instability in life want to believe such rude lie. There are lots of special relationship tests which are intended to find out “real, true problems” and therefore the necessary treatment. Crap! It is possible only for professional but we have already talked about it. As example we would like to speak about tests of relationship compatibility. According to the idea of this kind of service it is possible to find out if an exact person is “suitable” for such relations. One will consider it as a joke but it is really true and there are thousands of such web sites. And what is the most unbelievable is that people believe in it and build their own lives according to these ungrounded tests. Just think how one usual test can determine success or failure of possible relations! By names? By sign and dates of birth? It sounds stupid… The problem is that all these tests cannot take into account psychology of each person, his/her wishes and dreams, social base, if there is something common between two people or not, how they consider these relations and if they think about the future life with the partner.. All mentioned above is called real life which machines cannot understand. So think about it. 

Is it end?

For some people this question is much unexpected. They think that everything is okay and they are happy with their partners. But one day they hear this phrase and.. Everyone feel different. And we would not discuss the possible reasons of this phrase here. Such final step means that one of two was not happy and it is more important to understand how it is necessary to react. That is way in Internet one can easily find plenty of advices how to end a relationship. In truth we should agree that some of them are not bad because people who had such an experience want to prevent possible mistakes of others. So not all the information from the Internet is so bad. We admit that it is important to act correctly ending relationships.  It is the same significant step as the beginning of new relations.  Good strong relations need to be built in a hard way and a break needs the same. Even preparing for relation break it is necessary to remember that the partner is not a stranger – that is why one should do everything painless. Relationship break up advice can help to reach this aim.

There are different relations and every person can face with as good relations as on the contrary can achieve some negative experience but all “bad love stories” teach us and due to them we can turn an abusive relationship into something good and really strong. 

There are many reasons of breaks and quarrels between men and women.  Some of them are more common, some of cause less. Psychologists even make a special scale of them, and some people think that one of the widest spread reasons for relation deterioration is female led relationships. It is rather difficult to say exactly if it is so or not. Such kind of relations is a communication where
both partners decide that a woman will be head of household and the man her helpmate. Some people think that it is unacceptably and only men can be leaders in families. That is the reason, according to such people, to look for ways to end relationships. It is only one point of view among many others.

In conclusion we would like to say that one should save and take care of real strong love. We wish to overcome all possible difficulties and in case of any problem we advice to take professional relationship counseling.